Farting in public could be a very embarrassing
thing unless of course if you get away with it, and then it becomes real fun.
so now, ride with me as i give you a step by step guide on how to become a pro
in having fun.
STEP 1
When you enter a crowded room, your
number 1 assignment is to determine the direction of the wind. You can simply
do this by holding the tip of something light with your hand {maybe your hanky
or something lighter} and watch which side it moves to. If there is a standing
fan in the room, it makes the job a whole lot easier.
STEP 2
After step one has been completed,
you can now relax and wait till the fart sensation comes. When it does, simply
move to the edge from which the breeze blows in, keep the most confident face
your face can produce (a light smile will also help), then pick yourself a
seat. Cross one lap over the other, specifically, the right over the left.
STEP 3
This stage calls for real carefulness
and calculation. Now that you are ready to go, elevate the left side of your
buttocks and do sound-check. To do sound check, simply release very little of
the fart (this is to know if its going to be a noisy or silent one). When it
has been confirmed to be a silent one, gently release the fart. Be relaxed, do
not rush it and most of all, your face must not betray you.
STEP 4
This is the final step and it
determines whether all you have done was a waste of time or not, i will tag it
"reaction stage". The way you react after you have farted will to a
very large extent tell if you are the black sheep, so to remain safe, here are
a few rules;
Never be the first to complain that
someone has farted.
Maintain a steady care-free face ,
do not let guilt betray you. Who even said you are guilty?
When others complain, do not keep
mute, simply add..................
"why cant some people respect themselves in
public" ?
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